Shadow Of Torture
by VirusBomb
Summary: Someone or something's after Luigi, and his life will never be the same again. Rated M for extreme violence and sexual themes.
1. The Ball Game

"Alright, all I have to do is make this one catch," Luigi said to himself. "Then I can finally show Mario who's number one!"

The afternoon sun was shining brightly on Mario Stadium. It was the final inning of the baseball game at the stadium. Luigi was the right fielder of the Mario Fireballs, the team captain being none other than Mario. (Who else would use Mario in their team name?) They were facing off against the Waluigi Smarts, who were up to bat. The bases were loaded, and the Waluigi Smarts were just one point behind the Fireballs. All they had to do was make 2 runs and they would win the game. But they had already gotten 2 outs. 1 more out and it would spell game over for them.

The batter hit the ball as hard as he could. The ball sailed Luigi's way, but flew way above him. It would take a godly jump to reach the ball, but Luigi was well known for his eye-popping ninja back flips. Luigi took a deep breath and jumped like he was trying to reach heaven. Epic music started playing, and everything went into slow motion. Everyone in the crowd gasped as Luigi slowly floated towards the ball. Excitement built up as Luigi got closer and closer to the ball. This was THE catch of the game, the catch that would spell win or lose. Luigi knew that he had to catch this ball.

But as luck had it, the ball curved and flew away from Luigi. "Damn Boo and his…err…swervy hits!" he yelled to himself.

He sighed in despair. Now Mario would once again sodomize him with a Wiggler, like he always did after every baseball game he screwed up in. In fact, he sodomized him if he screwed up in anything, even housekeeping. How Mario shoved it up his ass was beyond him, but nevertheless it hurt like hell. He couldn't believe that he got pleasure from torturing him. Mario had told Luigi at the beginning of the game that if Luigi made the winning catch, Mario would never sodomize him again and that Luigi would get to sodomize Mario, but things weren't looking good now. Unless he could do some cool teleportation move, he was doomed to another round of butt rape via Wiggler. But suddenly Luigi remembered his secret technique.

"It's time…"

Suddenly time froze, along with the ball. The background changed to the background that showed up in the classic Mega Man games when the game showed you the boss for the level you were playing in. Luigi made a pose, and then the words "Loser Man" appeared underneath him.

"WHAT THE FUCK? WHO CHANGED MY ALIAS?" Luigi roared in anger. Someone in the crowd started giggling. "STOP LAUGHING TOADETTE!" Luigi roared again. "OK, forget about that, it's time to break out my special. LUIGI TORNADO!!"

Luigi started spinning rapidly. A tornado appeared around Luigi as he flew towards the ball. When he was right next to the ball, Luigi let go of the tornado he made and caught the ball with a dive. The crowd roared. Luigi sighed in relief. _I'm not going to get sodomized this time_, he thought.

Luigi skyrocketed down to the ground and landed right on Mario. _Take that you sick pervert_, Luigi thought. But he would soon find out that this would cost him dearly. As the umpires walked over to Luigi to see if he still had the ball, Mario sneakily stole the ball from Luigi's hand in hopes of being able to sodomize him again and maybe even have anal sex with him. Mario had been dying to have anal sex with Luigi for a long time, but had been too scared to act. He felt today he finally had the courage to get Luigi from behind, so he really hoped his plan would worked, which it did. The umpires, seeing the ball in Mario's hand, declared that Mario had made the winning catch of the game. Mario got up, walked to the center of the field, and made a winning pose. The crowd went insane. He made a gesture towards the stadium's entrance where Peach was. The princess blushed and her whole face turned red. Mario had a crush on Peach, but he liked Luigi more. He knew his sexual tendencies were sickening, especially since Luigi was his brother, but he just couldn't resist Luigi. There was something about Luigi that made Mario want to get him from behind. He was glad nobody knew about his sickening fetish, and he hoped to keep it that way. Mario saw Luigi, still lying face down on the baseball field, and walked over to him.

"So Luigi," Mario shouted in triumph. "You-a didn't make that catch, did ya? And you made so much effort to make that catch. I applaud you for-a trying to do something all for nothing." Mario leaned close to Luigi's ear and whispered, "Tonight…at the party at Peach's castle. Don't be late… Well actually you don't have to worry about being late. I'll help you get there…" Satisfied, Mario ran over to Peach to escort her out to the stadium.

As Mario walked away, Luigi overheard Mario mumbling about finally having anal sex with him after waiting for so long. Luigi was horrified. It was bad enough having a giant wriggling caterpillar shoved up your behind, but getting fucked in the ass by your brother was on a completely different level. Luigi knew he had to find a way to stop Mario from taking him to the party by force. He couldn't turn Mario over to the police, as Mario was the chief of Mushroom Kingdom's security and could order the police to do anything he wanted. He couldn't turn to Bowser because Bowser also had feelings toward him and was even keener on raping him than Mario. He knew his only option was to hide.


	2. Memories

Luigi scanned the arena for anything that he could hide himself in. There seemed to be nothing that he could hide under. Then he sighted a box at the very back of the field. He quickly dashed over to the box and hid under it. He would hide as long as he had to, even if it meant having to deal with the smell of lasagna that came from the box for hours straight.

Luigi hated lasagna. Mario loved it. When they were little, Mario would always beg for their mom to make lasagna for dinner, and she always made it. Luigi always hid under his bed to avoid his mom, who would drag Luigi to the dinner table. This worked for a while, but then his mom started grounding Luigi if he wasn't at the dinner table 5 minutes after dinner was ready or if he didn't finish dinner in half an hour. Of course, Mario never got into trouble because of his love of lasagna, but Luigi cringed with every bite and ate like a snail. He got grounded a lot because of this.

School wasn't much better for Luigi. Everyone taunted him for being a coward and for listening to Christian Death and Alien Sex Fiend. Mario, on the other hand, was the coolest kid in school. Everyone idolized him as a hero for "defeating" Baby Bowser, the school bully, even though it was actually Yoshi that took Baby Bowser on. They also loved Mario for his rapping skills, and they called Mario the school's LL Cool J. Luigi was taunted even more for hating Mario's rapping, and was even suspended when he wrote a petition (that nobody signed) to put an end to Mario's concerts that his class had to attend every week.

Yoshi wasn't the only one Mario stole credit from. Mario stole credit from Luigi more than anyone else. Though Luigi helped Mario a lot (usually being forced to or out of kindness), Mario always boasted to have done everything by himself. Mario claimed he did everything from saving Princess Peach from Bowser countless times to defeating Smithy and even ridding Luigi's mansion of ghosts (when he didn't even do anything.) Everyone believed Mario and ignored Luigi when he tried to get some of the credit.

By the time Luigi had finished thinking about the past, it was already dark. Everybody was long gone, and the only source of light was the full moon. Luigi made sure there wasn't anybody lurking around and then got out of the box. "FANTASTIC. A box that smelled like shit. That'd better not happen again," Luigi snapped angrily. As he got up, he noticed a large briefcase on one of the seats on the right side of the baseball field. He climbed up the wall surrounding the baseball field, went over to the briefcase and examined it. As soon as Luigi touched it, the briefcase started shouting, "ONLY TOADETTE CAN OPEN THIS. IF ANYONE ELSE TOUCHES IT I WILL PWN YOU INSTANTLY!" He wondered why Toadette would leave her briefcase in the baseball stadium. Then he remembered that Toadette got sucked into the tornado he created with his special move, which had flung her out of the stadium. "Hah, that bitch deserved that," Luigi mumbled to himself. "Enough talk. Time to get to business."

Luigi screwed up the suitcase's security system with a Thunderhand and opened the suitcase. There were a bunch of machines inside. Luigi's eyes were drawn to a box-like device labeled "Alias Changer."

"An ALIAS CHANGER?" Luigi exclaimed in shock. "Who the fuck would build a machine just to change someone's alias? Well I guess now I can remove the damn Loser Man alias." Luigi turned on the machine and started thinking of a new alias. "Aha! I'll call myself Ultra Man!" he shouted. As he typed the name into the alias changer, the real Ultraman appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey," he yelled. "That's MY name. Nobody else can use it but the real, authentic-"

Ultraman was interrupted by a vortex from another machine that Luigi had pulled out from the suitcase, labeled "Soul Keeper." The vortex sucked Ultraman into the machine. Luigi noticed something written on the side of the machine. He turned the machine off and started reading the writing.

_The Soul Keeper can trap your enemies. Once you trap your enemies, they will be under your control. Summon your captured enemies with the manager on the back. Do not under any circumstances let this machine come into contact with strong acids or semen._

Luigi saw another machine labeled "Skill Stealer" that was supposed to steal the abilities of its victim. Thinking about how Ultraman appeared, Luigi started shouting, "Ice Man! Ice Man!".

"Shouting my name won't make me appear out of nowhere," a voice said from under the seats.

"Umm," said Luigi puzzled. "Why would you say that Ice Man?"

"Uhh…no I'm not Ice Man. Uhh…it doesn't say..uhh..in this story that I'm Ice Man."

"Then why the hell would you say that Ice Man is your name?"

"Err…n-n-n-no," Ice Man stuttered. "I…uh…What? It showed my name? Goddammit!"

Luigi powered up the machine and sucked Ice Man's powers into it.

"NOOOO!!" cried Ice Man, his body no longer made of ice. He pointed angrily at Luigi. "Damn you to hell!"

"That won't send me to hell…"

"Why not? I appeared here when you shouted my name."

"'Cause I said so."

"GODDAMMIT!! I HATE YOU!! I HATE LIFE!!" Ice Man cried, tears running down his face. He jumped off the seats onto the baseball field, ran to the fence at the back of the stadium, jumped over it, and ran off into the darkness sobbing.

Luigi put away the Skill Stealer in his bag. He knew Ice Man's powers would come in handy in case he encountered Mario, as Mario was scared of ice. It was Mario's biggest weakness. When Luigi was pissed off at Mario, he would always get some ice cubes out of the freezer and throw them at Mario. Then Mario would run away crying. Thinking about that always made Luigi laugh. His eyes drifted to the briefcase. He decided to take Toadette's briefcase with him just in case there might be more things he could find in there.


	3. The Battle?

Luigi checked his watch. It was 1 AM. _If Mario's still searching for me right now, he's a fuckin' freak_, Luigi thought to himself. He decided it would be safe to return home. As he approached the exit of the stadium, he saw some lights. He caught a glimpse of a police car on the road right in front of the stadium. _Well I'll be damned. Mario IS a fuckin' psycho. I've gotta find a way to get outta here fast._ Luigi quickly hid behind a huge pole. He stood in silence, thinking of a plan, when someone tapped his shoulder.

"BAAA!!" Luigi screamed in terror.

"Shut up or they'll see you! It's me, Bowser."

"Bowser, what are you doin' here?"

"Just strollin', findin' somethin' to, you know, get me aroused. It's what I always do on Friday nights."

"Dude…"

"Nevermind. I was walkin' around when I saw a police car. Mario and another guy were inside talkin' about how Mario found out where you were with the stadium's security cameras. He's waitin' for you to come out so he can rape you or somethin'."

"Mario's a fucking freak."

"I know. That's why I hate him so much and always stole the princess from him. And of course because she's hot as hell too."

"Err, OK…" _So both Mario and Bowser like the same people, Peach and me…_

"I can take him out, but you have to do somethin' for me."

"What?"

"Once I take care of Mario, you've gotta give me head. You're SOO damn sexy."

"Hell no! I've had enough of that with Mario. I'm not doin' it with anyone else!"

"Either that, or anal torture from Mario…"

"Fine, I'll give you head. But you'd better rip Mario's brains out."

"Gotcha."

Bowser went out of the stadium and stood in front of the stadium for a few moments. Then, suddenly, he ran out into the middle of the road and roared, "YOU'RE NOT HORNY ENOUGH FOR ME, MARIO!!"

"Oh god… I shouldn't have trusted this douche." whispered Luigi in disbelief.

Mario got out of the police car. He was wearing sunglasses and a shiny black suit. He made a suave expression and coolly said, "Nobody's sexier than-a me, Mario. Nobody."

"OH YEAH? WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT SCUMBAG!"

"Bring it fatty."

"I'M NOT FAT YOU ITALIAN PIECE OF SHIT!"

"Whatever."

Lakitu swooped down from the sky and started announcing. "It looks like a fight's gonna happen here, folks. On the grassy side we have the ever-sexy Mario. On the stadium side we have the ultra-horny Bowser. Contestants get ready. 3…2…1…FIGHT!"

Bowser stuck his hand up and roared. "GO, MY HORNY MINIONS. GET THAT FUCKING POSER!" Purple clouds appeared around Bowser. Goombas and Koopas marched out of the clouds and tried to tackle Mario, but Mario dodged them all.

"Police, show those wannabes what-a true sexiness is," shouted Mario. Police cars came from all over the Mushroom Kingdom. Toads jumped out and charged for Bowser, but Bowser easily swatted them away.

"TIME TO TURN IT UP A NOTCH! MINIONS, GET AS HORNY AS YOU CAN!"

"Police, do watcha needa do to set this in order. Show 'em how they should-a behave."

Bowser's and Mario's armies charged. They collided and starting raping each other. Cumshots flew everywhere. Soon the whole road was covered in semen.

"Wow…." mumbled Luigi. "This couldn't get any dumber…"

"EXPERIENCE THE WRATH OF MY ORGASM!" roared Bowser as a huge stream of load blasted out of Bowser's penis and covered Mario's army.

"Hah, that's all you've-a got?" shouted Mario, making an unimpressed expression. He cartwheeled behind Bowser and started getting Bowser from behind.

"OWW!! WELL YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY SPECIAL TECHNIQUE! MINIONS!" A group of Koopas wheeled in a huge gallow.

"Oh my fucking god," murmured Luigi, dumbfounded. "Don't tell me he's gonna-"

Bowser hung himself on the gallow and started jacking off. He let out an enormous amount of cum that drowned most of Bowser's and Mario's armies. However, Bowser accidentally choked himself to death because he forgot to order his troops to get him out of the gallow.

"What a fucking dumbass!" whispered Luigi angrily. "What the hell was he doing? Well at least I don't have to give him head now. But how am I gonna deal with Mario?"

Mario emerged from the sea of semen, victorious. Bowser's army backed away in terror. Mario got on top of the police car and started shouting. "Bowser's pathetic army, you are now under-a my control. You will do-a everythin' I say or die. My first order is to find Luigi and-a bring him to me! My second order…is to have an orgy right now." Mario's army started the orgy right away.

"Damn, if that wasn't enough for the night…" Luigi mumbled in dismay.

"But there could be more…" said a voice behind Luigi.

Luigi turned around and saw, to his horror, Toadette, with a gun in her hand. "BAAAHHH!!" Luigi started shaking in terror.

"You'd better give me back my briefcase and the Skill Stealer," she said in a dark tone. "Or face the psycho ravaging outside."

It was a tight situation. He had no way of escaping without the Skill Stealer, which contained Ice Man's powers. It was the only way to stall Mario long enough for Luigi to make a getaway. But if he didn't hand over the briefcase, Toadette could easily signal Mario and his army to Luigi by changing her voice to Luigi's voice with her Voice Changer. Then again Toadette could turn Luigi over to Mario anyway even if Luigi gave her back her briefcase. Toadette was a shady character. Though seemingly jolly and innocent, she was actually a skilled assassin and thief. She was responsible for a terrible financial crisis a few years back when she robbed the entire Mushroom Kingdom treasury. Luigi only knew this because she accidentally dropped one of her plans near Luigi's house one day. Toadette was no pushover. Apparently it was a lose-lose situation unless Luigi could think of something. Fast.

"I'm waiting…" Toadette said impatiently. Right then, Luigi got an idea. Before Toadette could react, he snatched her gun, stuffed her mouth with a towel lying on the floor to stop her from screaming, and started ripping off her clothes. When all her clothes were off, he flung Toadette into the orgy outside. He heard Mario order his army to start raping Toadette with him, who was more than happy to. Luigi saw an opportunity to escape, but he had to be quick.

Taking a deep breath, he dashed as fast as he could to the police car, got in, and took off. Mario spotted Luigi taking off and ordered his army to chase after Luigi, but Luigi was prepared. He extracted Ice Man's powers from the Skill Stealer and created a wall of ice around Mario's army, trapping them inside. Mario, seeing that Luigi got away, got back to raping Toadette. Luigi knew he was lucky this time around. Mario usually easily outwitted him, and it was only because of Mario being preoccupied with his victory over Bowser and his orgy that Luigi had enough time to think of a plan. There was a time when Luigi was smarter than Mario, but years ago his cowardliness overtook his intelligence. Luigi made a point to start preparing for the next time he would encounter Mario.

Luigi decided to go south and leave the Mushroom Kingdom altogether. It wasn't safe for him anymore to stay in the Mushroom Kingdom with Mario's rape-happy police force running around. It would be a long and dangerous drive, but Luigi wasn't worried. However, something still bugged him. Somehow he knew that this wouldn't be the last time he would have to deal with Toadette.


	4. Don't Doze And Drive

"EEYAHHH!!"

With a powerful smash from his fist, Mario shattered the wall of ice surrounding him and his army into pieces. Ice shards flew up into the air and rained upon the entire Stadium. Mario, seeing a part of the wall that had not fallen, jumped onto the wall of ice and started shouting. "Listen!" Mario's army swarmed around the wall eager to hear what Mario had to say. "I've-a got the best plan the world will-a ever know! Meet me at Bowser's Castle at-a 6 AM and I'll reveal my awesome plan."

A Goomba stepped forward from the crowd. "Dude, why don't you just tell us now?"

"Because it's cooler if you're-a in a conference room or on a podium when you-a reveal your plan."

"OK, but you could make it simple and just reveal it now… Wait a sec. Aren't you supposed to be savin' princesses from psychotic rapists and actin' all goody-goody and shit? Because this seems like one of those evil genius plans…"

Mario made a menacing face at the Goomba. The Goomba recoiled in terror. Mario, satistfied at the Goomba's fright, continued on with his announcement. "Anyway, 6 AM at-a Bowser's Castle. Don't be late! There's gonna be milk and cookies! Bring as many people as you-a can with you!" Mario summoned his motorcycle, hopped on, and drove off into the darkness of night. The members of Mario's army started chatting with each other about the milk and cookies, and then dispersed.

Toadette woke up long after Mario's army had left the stadium, but it was still dark. She was covered in semen and sore all over, but she had a sinister grin on her face. She wiped herself clean, and then vanished in a purple puff of smoke.

The sun was beginning to rise, its light starting to shine on the cold road leading to the stadium. A lone rusty car with an extremely overweight man behind the wheel zoomed down the road. The man was the stadium's janitor, who was responsible for cleaning up any mess before 9 AM, when the baseball games started. He was in for a huge surprise. The semen from Mario and Bowser's brawl had flowed into the stadium, covering the whole baseball field with a milky white film. "Grr, I hate gigantic orgies in baseball stadiums! You know what, screw this! I'm not cleaning up this shitload of load!" As he got ready to leave, he spotted a strange machine lying in the middle of the field. He walked over to it and picked it up. There was a label on the machine.

_Toadette's Secret Project Prototype 5. Warning: Misuse can result in extremely undesirable effects._

"Heheheh, looks like I got a present to add to my treasure hoard." He looked around to make sure nobody was in the stadium, and then ran off.

Luigi checked his watch again. It was 3 AM. He figured he had been driving for at least an hour. _OK,_ he thought to himself. _I'm far enough from any town to take a rest. Wait, no! I've gotta keep going or Mario might find me and rape me! I can put off sleeping for at least another day. _ Luigi was tired. The previous night he hadn't slept at all. The only reason why he was still awake was because of a woodpecker pecking on Luigi's head, but the woodpecker soon got tired of pecking and flew out off the car. "I've gotta stay awake. Must stay awake…Must…wha..baaaa!! What's that…."

Luigi saw a banana with a nightcap in front of him. It seemed to be dancing and singing. "Peanut Butter Sleepy Time! Peanut Butter Sleepy Time!"

He repeated after the dancing banana. "Peanut Butter Sleepy Time…. Peanett…. Buttrr… Sleeeepy…T-ehhhmm…Damn you sleepy banana…damn yuuhh…….." He couldn't hold on any longer. Losing grip on the wheel, he fell over on his side and dozed off.

Luigi woke up to find himself in a building. He got up and looked around. It was a jail, and he was in a cell. "Aww shit!" he cried in disbelief. "They've caught me! Now Mario's gonna rape me!" He ran to a corner of the cell and started crying. A torrent of tears flowed out of Luigi's tormented face and started flooding the cell. Soon, the water seeped out of the cell and started flooding the entire jail.

"WHO THE FUCK FLOODED THE WHOLE PLACE? I'M GONNA BEAT HIS ASS WHEN I GET OUTTA HERE!"

"YEAH! WHEN WE GET OUT FOR THE EXERCISE ROUTINE, LET'S FIND THAT SUCKER AND RIP HIS BALLS OFF!" Everyone in the jail starting shouting and yelling in anger.

"OK, everyone SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' TRAPS UNLESS YOU WANNA FUCK A 500 POUND BITCH!" Luigi stopped crying and looked out of the cell to see who was talking. The other captives stopped shouting and looked where Luigi was staring. It was coming from a door at the end of a long hallway of jail cells. The door burst open and out of it walked two mushrooms that looked far different than any mushroom creature Luigi had ever seen. They had short handless arms and caps that looked like turtle shells. One donned a green cap and the other had a blue cap covered with spikes. They reminded Luigi of a computer game he had played a while back, but he couldn't recall the name. _At least it's not Mario…_

One of the captives started yelling at the mushrooms. "WELL WE'VE GOT A GOOD REASON TO GET MAD! SOME PRICK DECIDED TO FLOOD THE WHOLE DAMN PLACE AND-"

"SHUT…THE….FUCK…UP!!" The green-capped mushroom glared at the captive, who fell silent. "OK, good. Now time for the announcement—oh shit someone did flood the place." Luigi started shaking in terror. The mushrooms started walking down the hall, looking in every cell. Soon the mushrooms passed in front of Luigi's cell. The spike-capped mushroom looked at Luigi's cell and suddenly stopped moving. He caught the attention of the green-capped mushroom, who also stopped walking and stared into Luigi's cell. Luigi tried to hide his fear from the mushrooms but couldn't help trembling a bit.

The mushrooms started talking to Luigi in a dark tone. "OK, hand it over."

"What?"

"You know, what—wait, are those tears on your face? Hah! We've got a crybaby!" The mushrooms started shouting to everyone in the cell. "EVERYONE! WIMP IN CELL 240! WIMP IN CELL 240!" The entire jail started roaring with laughter.

The spike-capped mushroom was so caught up in laughter he was rolling on the water-covered floor. "Hahahahahahahaha….what a fuckin'—wait a sec." He had caught Luigi's cell in the corner of his eye. Nobody was in it. "Where the hell did he go?"

The mushrooms looked towards the exit, which was opposite from the door they had came from. It was closed. Luigi had barely escaped and shut the door before the mushrooms had looked towards the exit. The spike-capped mushroom turned towards the green-capped one and started snapping at him. "Why the hell haven't you put bars in front of the cells?"

"Well, what if there's a fire? Then they'll die because they can't escape!"

"That's why people have made something to deal with fires. It's called a FIRE EXTINGUISHER. You're mental as fuck."

"Hey, at least I don't go around in Diamond City, kidnap hotties in Hollister's and force them to be my hoes!"

"I'm called Horny Mushroom for a reason, boy. You've gotta live up to your name."

"You don't do it like that you fuckin' reet!"

Luigi had overheard the mushrooms' conversation. He had been searching the area's premises for a car he could use to escape when he heard voices through a vent on the side of the building. _So I'm in Diamond City, eh? I'm pretty close to the border then. The mushrooms did a good job of helping me escape from Mario, then._ The mushrooms had started arguing about whores. Luigi, uninterested in their fight, continued on in his search of a car. He came across a golden taxi cab at the back of the building, with the keys lying on the driver's seat. He pulled out a flower out of his pocket and ate it. His body became translucent. He made sure nobody was around the area and then hopped through the taxi door, and started up the taxi. As he started driving, he heard a huge explosion behind him. Luigi looked around. The jail was in ruins, and the mushrooms were running as fast as they could away from the rubble.

"Did we just murder all of our captives?"

"Yup. No more boring-ass jail keeping for us. I'm gonna go to Diamond City and kidnap all the bitches at Daisy's Candy Store. I heard a bunch of hot chicks like to hang out there ad chat with the store owner."

"Count me in. That sounds—"

The mushrooms were interrupted by a blue vortex that had appeared behind them. They turned around and saw Luigi grinning in a sly way, holding the Soul Keeper. "You're not gonna do SHIT." The vortex sucked the mushrooms into the Soul Keeper. Luigi, satisfied with his prize, walked back to his taxi and drove off.


	5. Luigi In The Diamond In The Rough

Luigi checked his watch yet again. It was 8 AM. He thought about getting breakfast at Diamond City, but decided it would be better to just start heading towards the border. But then he remembered Diamond City was located on an island, so he'd have to go downtown anyways to buy a speedboat. He drove down the winding road on the hill that the jail had once stood on and headed towards the waking city.

Luigi spotted a Starbucks to his left as soon as he entered Diamond City. He parked the taxi right in front of the Starbucks and headed in the café. He ordered a frappucino and grabbed a table outside of the café. Luigi wished he could have someone to talk with right then. He was often lonely. Though he wasn't exactly shy, most people didn't want to be around him because he was a coward. Of course, they also ignored him because of Mario hogging the spotlight, but Luigi didn't want to think about that. He drank slowly; he tried to savor every sip of the frappucino. It was refreshing. Tossing the now-empty bottle aside, Luigi left the café and started searching the town for a boat store. He was walking for about 5 minutes when he heard a frighteningly familiar voice. He glanced across the street. It was Toadette.

Luigi quickly scanned the area for anything to hide in. Nothing. The street was clean; no garbage lying around, no boxes, nothing. There wasn't even a trash can. He crawled along the walls to see if there were any holes he could hide in, but to no avail. Then he spotted a huge fold of blue cloth. He crawled in it and watched Toadette in silence.

She was asking people questions. Luigi couldn't hear her very well, but he soon got the notion that she was asking about where someone lived. He decided to try to follow her. Luigi got out from under the blue cloth, only to come face to face with 9 Volt.

9 Volt started talking. "Dude, you've got some serious problems."

"What?"

"You know…"

Luigi was confused. He stood up turned around to look at the blue cloth, and then he knew what 9 Volt was talking about. He had hidden under somebody's dress. The woman whose dress Luigi had hid under was glaring at Luigi, her face steaming with anger.

Luigi stared at her, petrified with terror. "Oh…SHIT!"

The last thing Luigi saw was the woman pointing her finger at Luigi. Right then, he was engulfed in a fiery explosion and he blacked out.

Luigi regained consciousness. He was sore all over from the explosion the woman had fired at him. He never thought he would have done such a perverted act, even though it was by accident. Luigi finally regained the strength to get up and look around. He was on a conveyer belt for some reason. The conveyer belt was carrying old, rusty cars that lacked tires. Luigi was suspicious. He turned around and stared, frozen in fright. "Mamamia…" There, about a hundred feet in front of him, was a monstrous machine. It was crushing the cars and compressing them into cubes of steel. He was in a car recycling plant.

Seeing that there was no ground on either side of the conveyer belt, Luigi tried to run against the conveyer belt, but the conveyer belt was moving too fast. He considered trying to climb up the car-crushing machine, but saw that there was nothing on it to grip. Luigi sighed in despair. He was doomed for a brutal and humiliating death. The conveyer belt carried him to the machine, which crushed his body and turned him into a smooth, colorful cube. But somehow Luigi wasn't dead. In an instant he managed to free himself of his bone-breaking position, looking as if nothing had ever happened. But for some reason his hands felt tingly. He glanced at them. There seemed to be nothing wrong. Luigi, puzzled, thought about the situation. He was so caught up in the thought that he didn't notice that he was reaching the end of the conveyer belt, which was over a bottomless pit. By the time he noticed, he was at the very edge. He fell off the conveyer belt and screamed. Luckily for him, his hand fell on a bar that was for some reason sticking out of a wall, which ultimately saved him. He hung for what seemed like forever. Then he heard a shout that almost made him lose his grip.

"He's still alive! 18 Volt, throw somethin' at him!"

_Oh god, not that fucking 9 Volt kid again,_ Luigi thought.

"Gimme your hat!"

"No way dude. Use your SNES or somethin'. It's old anyway."

"Hell no! The SNES isn't garbage. It's tha shit man!"

"Whatever. Just throw it!"

"I'll throw you!"

"No I'LL throw you!"

"You're just a fuckin' kid."

"Oh yeah… so throw your SNES. Or at least just throw the Super Mario World cartridge at him."

"No way. That's like the best game ever made. I'm gonna throw that useless SNES game

you always play. What was it called again? … Oh yeah. Hotel Mario! Or should I say, Hotel Crapfest."

"One, that's not a fuckin' SNES game, it's a Cd-i game. Two, it's actually a fun game if you look past the "not being true to the Mario franchise" part.

"Thanks for the 'info'."

"You're welcome!"

"That was sarcasm…"

"You fail at life."

"No YOU do. All you do is sit and play Guitar Hero, MGS4 and Hannah Montana Spotlight World Tour all day."

"Nuh-uh! Hannah Montana's for wannabe-pop-bitch chicks."

"Well then you're one."

"I'm not a girl idiot. And Guitar Hero and MGS 4 are fuckin' awesome."

"I agree."

"Wanna go over to my house? I just got Guitar Hero 2!"

"That game's so old…"

"Wanna go over to my house?"

"Sure."

Luigi heard 9 Volt and 18 Volt leave the recycling plant. He was safe for now. All he had to do was just hang on until he thought of a way to get out.

"So they haven't sent you falling to your death, eh? Then I will!"

Luigi glanced up. It was the woman whom he accidentally 'violated,' standing on a ledge. "BAAAH!" He was so frightened he let go.

"Hmph, guess I won't have to do anything. Have fun falling."

Luigi cried in horror. Surely he would never survive this fall. Then he remembered about the powers he got from Ice Man. He concentrated hard to try to create a platform. What he got instead was a sharp icicle up in his ass. "AAAAAAAARGHH!!" Luigi was in terrible pain, but at least the icicle was suspended in air, preventing his fall. He endured the pain for what seemed forever. Then he farted. The icicle somehow shattered, but Luigi wasn't falling to his doom. Instead, he was now a flying missile, soaring at an inhuman speed towards the woman. The woman barely dodged Luigi's deadly attack. She tripped and fell on the floor. Luigi landed right beside her. The woman pointed her finger at Luigi. "Prepare to die…" A bright aura appeared around her finger. It grew brighter and brighter. Luigi started crying. "NOOOOOOOO!!"

"Oh look, it's Mr. 1-Year-Old again!"

It didn't come from the woman. Luigi wondered who else could be at the recycling plant.

Suddenly, the woman screamed. Somebody had grabbed her. Luigi looked up. It was the spike-capped mushroom from the jail, with the green-capped mushroom and Ultraman standing behind him. Apparently Luigi had fallen on the Soul Keeper in his pocket when he landed from his Green Missile. Suddenly he remembered the last time he had used the move. He was battling in a tournament when he devised an attack that involved farting. One time he let out a huge fart that flung him at an opponent, killing the opponent instantly. _Good times, good times,_ he thought.

"Hey, Green, wanna fuck her with me?"

"C'mon man! You've gotta put off raping chicks all the time! It's just wrong, dude."

"So what? Let's just screw her up already! She's a freakin' ten!"

"You seriously need to learn some ethics, Horny."

"Maybe it's because you're so THOUGHTFUL and SENSITIVE, that you haven't got laid yet."

"Shut the fuck up. I've done it."

"With your hand? Yea, I know."

"Umm, what's rape? And what does getting laid mean?" The mushrooms turned around. It was Ultraman.

Both mushrooms had puzzled looks on their faces. "Dude, how do you not know what rape and getting laid means? Everyone on Earth knows that."

"Hey, not everybody's from Earth, you know."

Luigi joined in. "Um, this is the Mushroom Planet, not Earth."

The mushrooms looked at Luigi. "Mushroom Planet? What the fuck?"

"Princess Peach told me once that this is the Mushroom Planet. She said Earth was a clone of the Mushroom Planet in another dimension that we can get to via warp pipes."

Horny suddenly became interested in what Luigi had to say. "Who's Princess Peach? Is she hot?"

Green glared at Horny. "Dude, quit it. You're not gonna rape her." Horny glared back at Green.

Ultraman suddenly put on a scared face. "So is this Earth or not?"

The mushrooms looked at Ultraman, confused as to why he was so scared. "If it isn't, then it's really similar to Earth… at least that's what Luigi said."

"Crap! I'm gonna die in like 30 seconds."

"Why?"

"I need solar power to run and—never mind forget that. I need a human host!"

"Are you a vampire?"

"NO! I just need a human host for protection! Oh wait, I can use the woman. Never mind!" Ultraman flew into the woman's body, possessing her.

Luigi looked in front of him. They were at an exit of the recycling plant. It was right next to the ocean; he could see waves crashing onto the road a few feet in front of him. He decided to use his ice powers rather than hunt the area for a boat. "C'mon guys, let's get outta here." He ran towards the edge of the road and jumped off, making sure to freeze the water below him so he wouldn't fall into the ocean. Luigi signaled Green, Horny and Ultraman to follow him, then started skating over the water to create a path for the other guys.

The janitor of the Mario Stadium was walking along the shores of Diamond City. He usually stayed in the Mushroom Kingdom because of his job, but after he found the machine in the stadium he decided to return to his home in Diamond City. He tripped over something, and saw that it was a piece of ice.He got up. Luigi's road of ice was right in front of him. The janitor glanced out towards the ocean and saw Luigi running, though he did not know it was Luigi. He decided to follow Luigi. He jumped onto the road and started running after Luigi.


End file.
